Imagine yourself at 3 years old—uninhibited, dancing in the sunshine, unapologetically yourself. Then, imagine that freedom suddenly shattered. Out of the blue, someone you cared about displayed anger, and in that instant, you felt rejected, maybe some shame, sadness, or confusion.

Right then and there, you make a snap decision somewhere deep inside that having fun, being 100% yourself, brings pain. On top of that, to protect yourself from ever feeling that way again, you encode it in your cells so you'll remember not to have too much fun, not to stand out, not to show up authentically lest it might cause you pain again.

It's evolution. We all possess a deeply embedded and evolved human capability to protect ourselves by remembering what hurt us in the past. For double safety, our brains will effectively bury that memory deep down in the subconscious so that we don't have to keep feeling the pain associated with the recollection of it again and again.

And here's the kicker: this protective encoding isn't always from your direct experience. It could even have happened to your great-grandmother, and you might still carry an evolutionary imprint of that event, just to be safe. This silent puppet master, our trapped emotions, might be quietly influencing your life today.

It could be why when you go to tell your story in that blog post, you feel weird and don't publish it. It may be the reason that even though you know you probably could find places and spaces to stand up and tell your story, you hold back and keep it to yourself. Your body tells you its not safe to stand out, to be yourself, to tell your story. So you don't.

The result though, is that your story and your authentic gifts, both the most powerful and connective parts of your brand, stay hidden.

A Journey Of Understanding

You might be wondering, how do I know all this?

When I was 4 weeks old, my parents separated and despite trying to make it work, they ended up permanently apart by the time I was two-and-a-half years old. Toddlers, being little egocentrics (developmentally, it's when you become an individual) think that the whole world revolves around them. So, that little girl, thought that her parents' divorce, and all the upset that it caused were entirely her fault.

Some part of me decided that I was helpless against change, that my voice was ineffective and pointless, and that I should feel shame because of it.

Only after a series of panic attacks, 12 years in active addiction, a brief stint of homelessness in early motherhood, a series of abusive relationships and 7 years of single parenting, did I begin to unravel this puzzle with years of recovery, specialised training, martial arts, and the intense pursuit of personal development.

 HAVE YOU GOT THE ULTIMATE TRAUMA THERAPY CHECKLIST YET??--

 
Witnessing Transformation In True Stories

Since 2015, I've been working with clients to help them become more visible and successful in growing their brands and businesses. It starts with discovering where their safety bubble got burst and clearing those long-held limiting beliefs so they can step into their biggest vision for themselves and their businesses.

It's incredibly inspiring to watch this happen. I saw it with Nicole, a pilates instructor in Bath, England, whose business stalled after the birth of her first child. I saw it with Siobhan, and her ethical blog in New York shrinking its profile until she realised how much she was getting in her own way. I saw it with Zina, and her spiritual healing work in Sydney, and how she held back on growing her online programs for years until she realised she was holding back out of fear. I could go on and on.

Many of the people I work with show up with similar wounds. It universally links to 'I'm nobody special, I'm not good enough, who do I think I am (and what will people THINK)?' It's the not-good-enough myth that so many of us humans weave into our identities.

And yet, when we unravel it just a tiny bit beneath the habitual thoughts, there is almost always a belief arising out of an early life experience of feeling small, insignificant, or an emotional need not being met sitting right at the heart of it, just beneath the surface.

When we get help or bring a new awareness, find some love and empathy for those parts of ourselves, they soften their grip. The part of us that remained steadfast, obstinately clinging to some part of this truth, releases, allowing us to edge ever so slightly into the light. There is a loosening and a shift and it makes everything else easier.

It is truly miraculous to witness.

Practical Steps to Reclaim Your Voice

With a heap of determination and grit, and experimentation, I do believe that anyone is capable of moving through this visibility block.

While unravelling deep-seated beliefs is transformative, there are also practical pointers you can integrate into your daily life to navigate the fears around standing up and standing out:

1) Don't Believe Everything You Think: Our minds spin stories, but not all of them are true or helpful.

We tell ourselves a multitude of stories to keep ourselves safe. It is common, unless desperate, for us to prioritise being right (see, that was embarrassing, I'm never doing public speaking again) above the potentially riskier move of growing, learning and changing. We must accept we might not know what we don't know, and edge toward uncertainty, toward our 'growing edge', in order to move beyond our perception to a more real and grounded understanding of ourselves. This may require some assistance, and that's ok.

2) The World Needs Your Magic: Shift focus from self-doubt to the impact you're meant to make.

One of the things I often share with clients is that their vision and their gifts are part of a bigger picture. That by keeping themselves in the shade, they also keep their biggest impact from playing out. The world needs your special magic. Who are you to get in the way? Shifting focus to how you serve, and away from your self-obsessions can be humbling and healthy.

3) Embrace Awareness and Grace: Acknowledge your feelings, but don't let them halt your progress.

Being with whatever resistance arises when you think about stepping into the limelight with your ideas, your personal brand, your gifts, or your business can be liberating. Even the highest achievers feel impostor syndrome (in fact, they are most likely to). It is an indicator of care, not ability (or even reality). If you can offer yourself some grace when these feelings arise and seek support, you might just be able to move through to the other side of it. All those feelings are valid, that doesn't mean they have stop you.

4) Start Exactly Where You Are: Acknowledging your current truth is the powerful first step.

Acknowledging your truth - whether it is 'I'm terrified' or 'this feels impossible' or 'I can't do this alone' is the first step. You aren't the first person to feel that way, and you won't be the last. Sometimes I feel like the most vehement resistance is your greatest test. How much do you want this to work? What are you willing to do to get your story out there and grow your presence? Are you willing to do whatever it takes?

5) Practice Radical Self-Kindness: Remember, you're connecting human-to-human, not to a faceless crowd.

I know the internet feels massive, and that crowd you've been invited to speak in front of, or the audience on that blog you're guest writing for.... but the truth is you're only ever truly talking to a single person. We communicate heart to heart. It's how we are.

Stepping Into Your Light

This is a unique journey for each of us, undoubtedly. One that asks for courage, self-compassion, and a willingness to look inward at those tender places where our light might have dimmed. But as I've seen in my own life, and with the incredible transformations of others like Nicole, Siobhan, and Zina, the effort is profoundly worth it.

Imagine the ripple effect: your authentic story, your unique gifts, and your deepest wisdom finally unleashed upon the world. What impact could you have? What connections could you forge? The truth is, the world desperately needs your particular brand of magic. So, as you stand at the edge of your comfort zone, remember that soft whisper that’s urging you forward. That's your truest self, ready to reclaim its voice and shine, unapologetically and brilliantly.

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