In spiritual and psychological inquiry, it’s possible to see very deeply into the nature of the self. Through intellectual investigation—questioning identity, patterns, beliefs, and the meanings we’ve placed on the world—we can begin to see that much of what we call “self” is constructed. Roles, stories, defences, and identities reveal themselves as mental concepts rather than fixed realities.

This kind of inquiry can be powerful. It can dissolve long-held assumptions and bring genuine insight. But when this process happens largely in the mind, without including felt perception and embodied awareness, it can lead to insight without actualisation.

Seeing Through the Self — But Only From the Neck Up

At a deeper level of inquiry, there may be a realisation that the self, and even reality itself, is empty of inherent solidity. This can range from a subtle understanding to a profound recognition. Importantly, this is not depersonalisation in the clinical sense, although it might easily be mistaken for it by a therapist unfamiliar with spiritual or contemplative processes.

What’s actually happening is disidentification—a loosening of attachment to identity. However, this disidentification can become complicated. When insight is driven primarily by the intellect, it may bypass the body. Instead of clarity and freedom, the system can slip into dissociation.

In other words, the mind sees through the self, but the body hasn’t caught up.

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What Happens When Defences Fall Away

As mental structures begin to collapse, something important happens beneath the surface. The ego defences that once protected us—often unconsciously—from overwhelming emotions, trauma, or survival energy may start to loosen.

When this occurs, one of two broad responses tends to arise:
• A surge of sensation or emotion: waves of grief, fear, energy, or intensity moving through the body.
• Freeze, numbness, or collapse: a shutting down of sensation, a feeling of emptiness, flatness, or disconnection.

Which response emerges depends on many factors:
• How integrated the person was beforehand
• How embodied they are
• How open or defended the heart is
• How much stored survival energy is held in the nervous system

Neither response is a failure. Both are natural outcomes of opening structures that were previously holding things together.

The Pitfall of Nihilism

As these inner structures open, many people find themselves landing in a state of nihilism—a sense that nothing has meaning, nothing matters, and there is no love or nourishment in existence. This can feel bleak, empty, and deeply unsettling.

Traditionally, this stage has been described as part of the dark night—not a final destination, but a transitional phase. The danger is mistaking this state for Truth itself.

It isn’t.

Numbness Is Not Reality

The numbness, emptiness, or void-like experience that can arise is not reality as it truly is. It is still a veil—just a subtler one. While mental concepts may have fallen away, felt perception may still be shut down or protected.

In other words, the mind may be open, but the body is still bracing.

This distinction is crucial. Without it, people can believe they’ve arrived at some ultimate truth, when in fact they are experiencing a temporary state shaped by nervous system protection and incomplete integration.

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Why Embodiment Is Essential

This is where embodiment work becomes vital.

The body needs time, safety, and gentleness to open at its own pace. If the mind has moved faster than the nervous system can tolerate, numbness is not a problem to be solved—it’s a signal. It simply means the body is not yet ready to open to the same degree.

True integration requires:
• The heart to soften and come online
• The belly to release stored survival energy
• The whole system to gradually settle into the present moment

This cannot be forced. It happens through attunement, safety, and patience.

Beyond Intellectual Awakening

Without embodiment, it’s possible to end up in a state that looks like awakening on the surface—freedom from concepts, stories, and relative meaning—but is actually a bypass of lived, felt experience.

When awakening includes the body, something different emerges. There is warmth, presence, intimacy with life, and a sense of aliveness that doesn’t depend on concepts—but also doesn’t reject them.

Insight becomes lived.
Truth becomes felt.
And the system, as a whole, comes home.

Written by Matt Kay
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