The Centre for Healing Blog


Divine Autonomy: Childhood and the Loss of Authenticity – Part 2

authenticity autonomic nervous system autonomy childhood childhood trauma consciousness trauma informed traumarecovery Jan 09, 2023
Divine Autonomy: Childhood and the Loss of Authenticity

In Part 1, I wrote about how we become disconnected from our power, authenticity and autonomy as children.

We explored the parent/child relationship and several social and collective dynamics that can create this disconnection. When we are controlled by people projecting their insecurities onto us, we feel disempowered and lose our agency and autonomy.

When we are left without boundaries and a stable presence to guide us, we feel unsafe and unstable. We explored the fine line between being controlling versus having a healthy amount of boundaries and how to navigate this. 

I touched on the difference made when parenting our children lies in the felt sense and in being conscious of where we’re coming from. As mentioned, it is not so much about “what we do” but rather about the place we do it from. If we act from a place of insecurity, the child can feel that; it’s in the felt sense of what we say for both the parent and the child.

When we feel disempowered in who we are, we typically act in ways that compensate for this disconnection. We grasp at power and control or disconnect from and avoid all forms of healthy control and stability. The felt sense of the body is one of feeling out of control and attempting to regain it. 

When we feel stable, whole and unified in who we are–when we feel connected to our own felt sense of empowerment–the actions we take are clean, spontaneous, effortless and natural. They do not come from unconscious insecurities, tensions, grips and attempts to manipulate others.

Our “no” can be powerful, firm and immovable, but it does not project its own insecurities onto another. It is an impersonal yet deeply personal “no”. Hence, the difference lies in the felt sense and the feeling of our own presence in the very moment we are taking an action.

These types of actions are authentic; they come from our Being and not our adaptive traits. 

The difficulty is that if we were forced to disconnect, shut down and disown our power to survive our childhood and society, finding this place of authenticity can be a long and difficult journey. What we think of as authentic often reveals itself later on as just another layer of disconnection.

Our nervous system must essentially re-pattern itself from all the ways it has learned to respond and survive. Throughout this journey, we realise how deep this disconnection stems, not only within us but within our world as a whole.

We realise we cannot be authentic in any pre-planned way because this attempt in itself is a form of inauthenticity as it’s driven by a “should” and is not true to the moment. Authenticity is already right here and happens autonomously when we are grounded, embodied and effortlessly connected to the felt sense. 




The process of returning home to ourselves is one of individuation, and unification and integration of the personality, and the welcoming home of all the fragmented and orphaned parts of our body and psyche.

As we do this, the personality becomes refined and unified into the present moment. Our true strength, power and autonomy come online as we reconnect to the felt sense of what we are. As we become more conscious, we begin to see inauthenticity almost everywhere.

We begin to see the ways we disconnect from our truth and power in our daily lives. As the inner conflicts and contradictions become conscious, we develop the capacity to hold space for these wounded parts and metabolise the underlying emotions. 

Notice the words “disconnect from our power and authenticity”. This does not imply that power and authenticity need to be created or sought after but rather reconnected to.

Power and authenticity are not something we “acquire”; they are a birthright and a quality we are all born with. We don't “learn” to be authentic; we unlearn all the ways we disconnect from our authenticity. Each Being is born with their own sovereignty, unique authenticity and presence.

In other words, these qualities already exist but are masked by layers of insecurities, fears, traumas and adaptive traits that force us to suppress and dissociate from them. 

As we work through the layers of wounding, authenticity becomes experienced as something natural and effortless. We become more of who we already are, and it takes no effort to be ourselves. Actually, it takes a tremendous amount of effort not to be ourselves.

The unconscious effort it takes to contort, suppress and hold down our natural way of experiencing life is like constantly treading water; layers of hyper and hypo arousal and muscular tension gripping in an attempt to maintain control and keep ourselves moving in certain ways.

These patterns of suppression are habitual, and it takes work to begin to see and unravel them all. However, as we do the work, we find ourselves living more freely, more spontaneously and experiencing more connection. 

The journey back home is not one of going anywhere, but rather arriving here, exactly as we are. The reconnection happens naturally when we directly meet the disconnect.

The journey to authenticity lies in seeing and meeting our inauthenticity. The journey to empowerment is in re-owning and metabolising the feelings of disempowerment.  It is a reclaiming or remembering that happens throughout our whole body when the energies in the nervous system harmonise.


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It is not just a pseudo sense or psychological self that ends up feeling empowered, but rather our whole Being. Whenever our connection to our sense of Being is unimpeded by past trauma, our belly carries a sense of presence and immovability, our legs and arms feel strong, and we can move with certainty, clarity and strength.

This is when our authenticity becomes embodied action.

On the journey to true authenticity, we may have to meet deep, dark and terrifying material. It is not a journey for the faint of heart, as genuine authenticity and autonomy require us to step fully into an individuated space and no longer rely on the learned behaviours of seeking validation, love, safety or approval from others.

We may have to confront some of our deepest survival fears and experience them fully. All the ways we change ourselves to please others will have to surface and be seen, which can be incredibly confronting and difficult.

However, if we are sincerely devoted to the Truth and discovering what it means to be a True and Authentic human being, everything will align, and life itself will support our process. 

Life wants to wake up to itself through us. The journey of reclaiming our authentic power is an ever-deepening journey into the present moment. As we confront and remove the veils of our past, the conditioning leaves our body and what is left is a Self that exists only in the Now, effortless Being. 

When we take this journey, we rediscover our authenticity and power as an already established, integrated and unified presence with its own divine autonomy and orientation. 


Peace & Blessing,
Matt Kay (Co-Creator of Embodied Processing)


Want to work with us?
If you're a Coach, Therapist, Healer or Someone in the Industry CLICK HERE
Want to Deepen your own Healing Journey or become a Practitioner CLICK HERE