This holiday season is often painted as a season of joy, closeness, and togetherness.
But for many families, it’s also a time when nervous systems are stretched, old wounds surface, and unspoken dynamics quietly take over the room.

As parents, we’re often holding far more than just presents and plans.
We’re holding children’s excitement, disappointment, and anticipation, while also navigating our own history, triggers, and family systems.

Children’s Expectations Are Real, and They’re Layered

Children do look forward to presents.
They love the magic, the surprise, the rituals, and the anticipation.

That joy is real, and so is what sits underneath it.

Alongside thoughts of gifts, children are also sensing:
• “Will things feel safe?”
• “Will everyone be rushed or stressed?”
• “Will I be allowed to feel excited and overwhelmed?”
• “Will connection still be there when things get big?”

When children become dysregulated around Christmas, demanding, tearful, clingy, or explosive, it’s rarely about greed or entitlement.

It’s often:
• anticipation overload
• disrupted routines
• sensory overwhelm
• emotional uncertainty
• nervous systems stretched by excitement and change

Their bodies are processing a lot at once:
• louder environments
• fuller calendars
• adult stress and urgency
• social expectations
• subtle or unspoken family tension

For developing nervous systems, excitement and overwhelm often arrive together.

Trauma-Aware Parenting Means Lowering the Emotional Bar, Not Raising It

One of the most supportive things we can do at Christmas is soften expectations, for our children and ourselves.

Trauma-aware parenting doesn’t ask,
“How do I make this perfect?”

It asks,
“How do I make this safe?”

Safety can look like:
• keeping routines where possible
• offering quiet moments amid the chaos
• slowing the pace and letting moments be simple
• naming feelings before behaviour escalates
• letting go of performance and comparison
• choosing presence over pressure

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A regulated parent doesn’t eliminate stress, they buffer it.

When Parents Feel Overwhelmed Too

Christmas overwhelm doesn’t live only in the mind, it lives in the body.

For many parents, this season brings:
• constant decision-making
• sensory overload
• pressure to keep everyone happy
• emotional labour that goes unseen
• very little space to exhale

If you notice yourself snapping, withdrawing, numbing, or feeling on edge, this isn’t a personal failure.
It’s a nervous system under sustained load.

Trauma-aware parenting reminds us:
Regulation isn’t about staying calm.
It’s about noticing when your nervous system is reaching capacity and responding with care, boundaries, and self-respect instead of self-judgement.

Sometimes regulation looks like:
• noticing early signs of overwhelm in your body and slowing down
• saying no to plans, conversations, or expectations that exceed your capacity
• reducing stimulation when you’re tired, stretched, or overloaded
• pausing to orient, breathe, or ground before responding
• naming your internal state without shame, “I’m feeling stretched right now”
• choosing rest, space, or support instead of pushing through
• allowing things to remain unfinished so your nervous system can settle

Regulation isn’t avoiding feelings,
it’s listening to them and responding before they spill over.

You don’t need more strategies.
You need more permission.

Family Gatherings Can Activate Old Dynamics

For many adults, Christmas means returning to family systems where they once learned:
• to stay quiet
• to please
• to manage others’ emotions
• to not take up space
• to ignore their own needs

Being back in these environments can subtly pull us out of our adult self and into old roles, often without us realising.

Your body may notice before your mind does:
• tight shoulders
• irritability
• shutdown
• hyper-vigilance
• exhaustion after gatherings

This matters, because children track our nervous systems more than our words.

Trauma-Aware Parenting Is Also About Protecting the Parent-Child Unit

You are allowed to:
• leave early
• take breaks
• say no to certain gatherings
• step outside with your child
• slow things down when it’s too much
• hold boundaries kindly but firmly
• prioritise emotional safety over tradition

You are not ruining Christmas by honouring capacity.
You are teaching your child what self-respect and emotional care look like.

Sometimes the most loving choice isn’t staying longer, it’s knowing when enough is enough.

When Comments, Judgements, or Old Patterns Appear

Well-meaning, or not so well-meaning, comments can land deeply:
• “They’re too sensitive.”
• “In my day…”
• “You’re too soft.”
• “They need to toughen up.”

Trauma-aware parenting doesn’t require you to tolerate commentary that undermines safety.

Regulation isn’t silence.
It’s staying connected to yourself while setting a clear boundary.

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A trauma-aware response may look like:
• calmly and firmly naming the boundary
• stating your value without defending or justifying it
• removing yourself or your child if the boundary isn’t respected
• ending the conversation when it crosses a line

You don’t need to convince anyone.
You need to protect the emotional field around your child.

Your regulated presence is the boundary,
and sometimes that boundary has words, movement, or a clear no attached to it.

Children don’t need you to win the argument.
They need to see that you can hold yourself, them, and the line at the same time.

Healing Happens in the Small, Slowed-Down Moments

Some of the most regulating moments for children happen in:
• shared laughter
• quiet walks
• slowed-down mornings
• small rituals of connection
• honest repair after hard moments
• a parent joining them in play
• being seen, heard, and celebrated
• shared stillness, sitting or resting together
• feeling included rather than rushed

You are allowed to release old expectations while creating something gentler for your children now.

This season isn’t a test of your parenting.
It’s an invitation to slow down, soften, and choose presence over pressure.

A Gentle Reminder for Parents This Christmas

You are allowed to be human.
You are allowed to feel tender.
You are allowed to protect peace.
You are allowed to parent differently.

And in doing so, you’re not just navigating Christmas,
you’re slowly reshaping generational patterns.

By Tara Russell
Created of Trauma-Aware Parenting
Mum and Somatic Coach

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