Healing as a LifestyleJul 25, 2022
In the western world we have a very “quick fix” attitude which in my experience in my time in this field is one of the biggest blocks to transformation.
When we have a headache we take a paracetamol and our headache goes away, when our car breaks down we call roadside assist and they come almost instantly, when we don't know the answer to something we pull out our phone and quickly google it.
We have literally everything at our fingertips. This attitude of instant gratification is actually an obstacle when it comes to inner healing and transformation.
In our rush to “get somewhere” what happens is we lose the ability to trust and to let the natural and organic intelligence do the healing for us, in our belief that we are broken we essentially disconnect further from our essential wholeness.
Imagine now you are out in the garden pulling out weeds, you catch your hand on the edge of a sharp rock and it cuts it open. You rush inside and wash out the wound and perhaps add some disinfectant, you bandage up the wound and get on with your day.
In this situation you have a deep trust that the intelligence of your body will heal the wound for you, you don't over do it, you don't become impatient with it, you don't try to force it, you just let it be, your only job is to create the right environment for this process to naturally unfold.
The right environment for healing trauma is a little different to washing out and bandaging a cut, it involves qualities like safety, patience, acceptance, curiosity, nurture, containment, resourcing, embrace, compassion, support and presence, but when these qualities are present the natural intelligence takes over and the healing occurs by itself, in that sense healing is not a “doing” but rather a “non doing."
The more we are trying to force, fix or manipulate the healing process the more stress we are putting on our system and the more our body receives the message that there is something wrong. The more we come from a “quick fix” attitude, the more we embed the belief we are an object that needs fixing, like we ourselves are the headache and we need to do something to make certain parts of ourselves go away.
There is barely any bit of conditioning more deeply embedded than the sense of lack and deficiency, the feeling that “there is something wrong with me” is almost a universal experience and if we are not conscious of it, this belief can very much perpetuate and drive our healing journey.
What often happens, usually after we have tried everything we drop the goal oriented attitude of attempting to “get somewhere” or “fix ourselves” and the journey becomes the destination, our life becomes one of exploration and we learn to “just live” and embrace ourselves exactly as we are.
Our inner world becomes like a landscape that we learn to navigate, rather than condemning ourselves for having triggers we learn to become curious about them, we learn to inquire into them as they arise.
I wonder how many of you can relate to this, the amount of times I've personally been triggered and believed the narrative that went:
“I've failed, I'm triggered again, I'm never gonna make it, there's something wrong with me, i've done a session or sessions on that before, my god why won't this go away, Robin over there doesn't seem to get triggered like I do, it's gotta just be me, nothing works for me I have tried everything.”
Notice in this narrative the underlying structure is one of “There is something wrong with me… and I need to fix it.” This is the very basic orientation that needs to change if we are to live an embodied life, and if we are to truly heal we need to fully accept the fact there is no end place of perfection where we are “fully healed”.
There is no perfectly embodied human, the very nature of the human experience is one of imperfection and so long as we are experiencing ourselves in these human bodies we will be experiencing varying degrees of difficulties and stress.
This is only a problem if we are in denial of it or are believing somewhere in our psyche that there will be that one magic modality, a spiritual salvation or a perfect dose of therapeutic paracetamol that will completely resolve our humanity headache once and for all.
It is a huge relief to let go of the goal oriented mind, to let go of this stressful striving is the essence of unconditional self acceptance, and this space of “non doing” reconnects us to our True Being and wholeness.
For most people this is a natural occurrence at a certain point and I'm not sure it can happen prematurely, but what we can do is take this understanding and apply it, we can reorient our journey from the painful attempt at fixing ourselves into one guided by a deeper intelligence, one that explores and embraces the human experience with curiosity.
If we are in pain, if we are stressed or in fear, we explore this fear in a gentle and contained way.
If we apply this attitude to our direct and immediate experience and if we allow ourselves to be exactly as we are, something amazing happens, just like the cut on our hand our human experience begins to heal and transform all on its own.
When we have patience, curiosity and an inquiring mind, whatever is needed for our own healing and development presents itself, in this shift in orientation healing is a natural outcome.
Healing then becomes something that is lived moment to moment, rather than a goal driven attempt to arrive at some imagined future destination.
Peace & Blessing,
Matt Kay (Co-Creator of Embodied Processing)