The Mirroring Concept

One of the concepts that we teach in Root-Cause Therapy is called Mirroring.

When we judge others (which is a natural human thing that we do as a part of our experience), it can become a key to healing by discovering our shadow aspects.

Shadow aspects are our blind spots.

Things that we do, how we behave unconsciously.

Mirroring, or noticing where we judge others, gives us a chance to shed light on these shadow aspects.

And to see where we are actually seeing ourselves in others

Where we are actually judging ourselves. For example, judging someone for how they dress.

If this is something that you notice a lot and find yourself internally making negative comments as you often scan people up and down …

Then most likely it’s something that you may feel insecure about within yourself.

The root-cause of this shadow aspect could be one of many layers, and will be different from person to person.

But for example it may be…

  • being judged harshly as a child or teen about...
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Anger with Our Children

I was in the water with Tommy this morning and I felt myself wanting to disconnect from him, ignore what he was saying and be angry and reactive.

I try my best to be a trauma-informed, gentle parent, but honestly sometimes I yell (and I hate it and beat myself up after because I really should know better). And you look into their sweet innocent face and their body flinches with fear, it's the freakin worst.

At that moment, I decided that I wasn't going to go down that path, so I stopped for a moment, looked at him and said "I can't talk right now sweety, mummy is angry so I just need to do some breathing, can you wait a few minutes?"

He looked understanding, so standing there in the water with him, I started to go right into the anger, breathed into it, turned it up, and followed the sensation around my body.

As that layer started to melt, I went down deeper into my body and mind, and a deep pain of frustration and constriction came through... I asked my body and mind... "what is...

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Emotional Attunement

My best teacher, our toddler Tommy, reminded me of the following and I thought I would share it with you all as it's an important part of the human condition.

Because he cannot express verbally with words how he is feeling, he will express it by showing how he is feeling outwardly.

The basic mechanism is that as parents, we start feeling how he is feeling, and thus with this information we can take appropriate action to give him what he needs. This is emotional attunement.

For example, if he’s frustrated because he is hungry, he will start getting very upset and refuse any toy or show or anything that we offer him other than food. His on-going frustration will probably lead to a tantrum and crying ... and guess what ... we will become frustrated. We will start getting angry (and hopefully not have a tantrum as well).

We don’t want to feel that way, and neither does he, so we finally figure out that he is extra hungry today and everyone can relax again. It’s been a...

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